- Two unrelated Utah couples with the same last name have been married for 70 years.
- They offered advice for what it takes to make marriage last.
- Social scientists have studied the effects of marriage on health and life satisfaction.
Sitting side-by-side in twin recliners in a cozy apartment over their daughter’s garage in Francis, Utah, Peter and Judith Poulsen are happily telling their love story, which has spanned more than 70 years if one counts the wooing that preceded the wedding.
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Fingers intertwined, occasionally finishing each other’s sentences or clarifying a detail in their shared memories — which often spark huge smiles and occasional laughter — they’ve just been asked for advice on nurturing a marriage so it will last.
In an age where marriages may fade like flowers if they’re not properly cared for, it’s a meaningful question.
Judith, now 90, was a June bride in 1956, three years after she and then-sophomore Peter, now 91, met at the University of Utah, where he and a friend were “quite interested in meeting girls.” Standing in the lobby of the girls’ dorm, they were introduced to incoming-freshman Judith and a couple of her pals and they asked the young ladies to the football game that night.
“The stadium was just a block from Carlson Hall. We thought, ‘Well, if they’re awful, we can walk home. But maybe they’ll take us out for something to eat,’” she recalls.
Her husband notes it was “just kind of a random thing that Judith and I ended up together. Unless it was maybe planned from heaven.”
They all had a good time. And they did have dinner. The pair kept dating, though Judith played the field for quite some time. Still, on a summer vacation with family months later, her mom joked that she “lived mailbox to mailbox.” And Peter was her only pen pal.
No couple knows all the secrets to a thriving marriage, so Deseret News was happy to also find another couple who married in June 1956 to hear their advice, too. Oddly, Jerry and Carol are also Poulsens, though the two couples are not related, don’t know each other and just happen to have wed 10 days apart 70 years ago. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll be on a first-name basis from here on out.
The long-time love affair for Carol, now 90, and Jerry, who’s 93, started in northern California at Stan’s Drive-In — the kind of restaurant where you park and order — also back in 1953. When Jerry and a friend walked over to strike up a conversation, Carol wanted no part of the strangers until “I saw the car — a baby blue Ford convertible — and decided a little chitchat wouldn’t hurt.”
One hears the smile in her voice as she tells the story and adds that, sadly, the car belonged to Jerry’s pal.
When Jerry showed up for their first date just days later, he visited with her dad for half an hour. Jerry had just returned from the Korean War, where he was a Marine, and she thinks that his life experience could have made her parents nervous since she was 17, but “my dad was impressed with his maturity and self-confidence,” she said. “I never did know what they talked about.”
They married three years later, when she was 20 and he was 23.
Besides ages and the era in which they all grew up, the two couples have quite a bit in common. Both learned to communicate long distance, with long letters and phone calls. Carol went away to a two-year college in Southern California to study business and minor in homemaking, while Jerry got his bachelor’s degree and studied business, which would come in handy years later when he started his own construction scheduling business.
And Peter was commissioned in the Navy, which had paid for his college, the day before he and Judith graduated — she rushed to finish a year early — and three days before they married. So he was often away for quite some time. Letters and phone calls became important for staying connected.
Both also have large families. Eventually, Jerry and Carol would have five kids: DeAnna, Janine, Heidi, Jeff and Jay, as well as 19 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren. Carol jokes about going into shock recently when she realized her first great-grandchild is a high school freshman.
Peter and Judith have eight children: Greg, Elizabeth, Kristin, Rebecca, Andy, Jennifer, Sarah and Nate, as well as 28 grandchildren and 40 great-grands.
As for having flourished in strong, decades-long marriages, both Judith and Carol mentioned they had seen bad marriages along the way among their broad circles of friends. Seeing the effect divorce had on people they know, each was determined to work hard at making a good marriage that could endure.
Studies on romance staying power
Social scientists and others have studied the effects of marriage on health and life satisfaction, as well as the impact of parental partnerships both good and bad on children.
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Both mental and physical health are impacted by the quality of a romantic relationship, according to research in Nature Reviews Psychology. Harvard Health touts mental and physical health benefits of marriage, including fewer strokes and heart attacks, less risk of depression, being more apt to discover cancer before it’s advanced, enhanced surgery survival and longer life. Marriage and emotional support even seem to protect against obesity, per researchers at the University of California – Los Angeles. The Knot, a wedding-focused website, cites research showing tax, legal and financial benefits of marriage.
All those benefits assume a strong, healthy relationship. But how do you craft that? Researchers have some ideas there, too.
A 2025 Institute for Family Studies report found “odds of a happy marriage increase when a spouse is committed, protective, religious and romantic.” A study in the journal Emotion found emotion regulation — particularly that of the wife — predicts marital satisfaction. Meanwhile, a PLOS One study from Lakehead University in Canada shows a hodgepodge of relationship goodness that includes findings that communication, affection and how conflict is handled all contribute to general happiness and a positive view of a romantic relationship. When that view is present, an individual is likely to rate well other aspects of the partnership.
That’s a small bit of the science. But what do people who’ve gone the distance say?
Advice from well-worn trenches
On the wall of Judith and Peter’s apartment, there’s a framed list of advice under the heading: ‘Lessons from Dad and Mom.” It’s all about a good life, but the advice has a lot to do with keeping their own marriage strong, as well.
They start with serving others and being willing to try new things. They advise generosity, gratitude and humility, as well as being a “side-by-side” team that sticks together.
“Cheer up!” they note. “Things will get worse.” And a reminder that “humming makes every task better.”
In a long list, a few really stand out: “Be kind without needing to be right.” “Make friends wherever you go.” “Keep learning.” “Don’t judge, see both sides.”
Carol made her own list of tips for making a marriage last.
She thinks it helped that she and Jerry both lived in rural areas surrounded by farms when they were small, though states apart. That gave them “some of the same memories to look back on in terms of environment and all.”
“What really helped in our marriage was a sense of humor,” Carol said. “And we both had a determination to succeed. I helped him a lot in his business and there was no question in our minds that we would succeed with it.”
Humor and a sense of fun were among Judith and Peter’s recommendations, too.
That great sense of humor is key. “It gets a family through the tough times from the first year through the tight-budget years and illnesses and beyond.” Being grounded in a faith is also helpful and for many of the same reasons, Carol said.
Carol and Jerry have both been active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with various callings. She calls church a unifying, strengthening force in the lives of their children as they were growing up. And it strengthened their marriage, too, she said.
Judith and Peter raised their children in the same faith, but are now a mixed-faith couple. Although he left the church, they support each other’s choices and treat them with respect. When they travel, he prioritizes her visits to Latter-day Saint temples.
As the interview was winding down, Judith added some advice not on the list. “We make things fun. But No. 1 is never criticize anybody, but especially each other. Never complain about something and show a lot of appreciation. He still thanks me for every meal I cook.
“And never give advice unless requested. Those are our policies.”
Peter adds something that has stuck with him for decades. “David O. McKay, I think, said, ‘Don’t raise your voice to your spouse unless the house is on fire.’ That’s what we’ve always done. And we listen to each other.”
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Being named Poulsen apparently doesn’t hurt, either.