Susan De Haan is not one to complain or look backward. She has cancer and her doctors told her that she likely has six months to live. That was almost six months ago.
Read more What to know about Trump’s call with FIFA over Team USA’s red card
“Some people tell me that I’m living on borrowed time,” she said. “But I don’t think like that. I’m still just doing the things I’ve always done.”
Susan is a service missionary at the Family History Library in St. George. Her routine has not changed since she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
“I’m looking forward to meeting the relatives for whom I’ve done genealogy work,” she said. She is content, satisfied and unruffled about her situation.
Older women are more likely to be content than older men anyway, according to a surprising amount of research. They have perhaps learned that all their desires may not be fulfilled, that the world isn’t organized to please them, and that their children are not hanging on to every word of advice or counsel. They are more likely to accept things as they are rather than pine for “the good old days,” stew over missed opportunities or even worry about the future.
Let it come. Whatever it may be, let it come.
Not so with many men. We are used to being “up and doing” and making our mark on the world. Consequently, as we grow older, we are more likely to see the world passing us by. Men are often those, as Dylan Thomas suggests, who conclude that “old age should burn and rave at close of day,” and then “rage against the dying of the light.”
Do not go gentle into that good night
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight.
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.
— Dylan Thomas, “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”
Rather than “raging against” the unfolding uncertainties of his future, Mike Judson has found that gardening is a way for him to meet the demands in his head to “do something” without relying on others’ permission or approval.
“When I watch plants responding to my attention and ongoing care, it feels really good,” Mike says, describing how it gives him a “sense of perspective” he struggles to find in any other way.
For instance, one tomato seed can turn into 25 pounds of tomatoes. One watermelon seed can produce a hundred pounds of watermelon. Where else can you find such abundance? Only in nature can you find this type of arithmetic at work, this type of generosity — from a single seed to bushels of fruit.
In the New Testament, Paul tells us that he has learned to be content regardless of his circumstances — whether in need or plenty, well fed or hungry — through gratitude and reliance on God:
Read more Silver linings: Is etiquette old-fashioned or still relevant today?
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God,” he wrote to the people of Philippi. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Buddhism similarly acknowledges the importance of contentment with a related emphasis on meditation and mindfulness in achieving it. Contentment here is not only becoming satisfied with whatever we have and wherever we are, but also relies on living fully immersed in the present, without fault-finding in others or ourselves.
The popular TV soap opera “The Young and the Restless” — in its 53rd season and still going strong as the top-rated daytime show for more than 30 years — suggests that restlessness is ubiquitous among younger folks especially.
The young are restless. Research from Trinity College Dublin suggests that while completing assigned tasks, “mind-wandering” occurred about 27% of the time among older adults, compared with 45% among younger adults.
Contentment itself can be fleeting. Circumstances can change overnight. The death of a loved one, a drop in the Dow Jones Industrial Average, an undeclared war or a report of a hantavirus outbreak can affect our sense of contentment. Social media, friends, neighbors — even the news — can remind us that what we have is not only limited but also vulnerable to forces outside our control.
However, the widely quoted work of Viktor Frankl, who spent three years in a Nazi prison camp, suggests that we can find contentment regardless of our circumstances. In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Frankl tells the stories of ordinary people who — despite horrific conditions — were sometimes able to resist despair by holding fast to meaning, purpose and hope.
Those who found a kind of contentment developed ways to work creatively, establish deep bonds with others and imagine a different future than what they were currently experiencing.
Instead of raging against an unfair world or trying to control the uncontrollable, these courageous souls found a remarkable freedom in the immediate present. None of this involves a passive surrender to our circumstances; it is an active choice to find meaning within them. It’s the bravery to look at an uncertain horizon, a terminal diagnosis or a simple patch of dirt, and decide to be present — right now — and experience fully whatever is here.
Read more Deseret News archives: The first All-Star baseball game was a blast